What is your view?

Perspective. It all depends on where you are. I used to be very preoccupied with the present but lately, questions about the future seem to be more prevalent. I was in a hotel recently where my mom and I stayed on the 18th floor. And in Orlando, you can count the number of buildings that tall on two hands. I could see for miles and miles. And it made me think: up here, my problems down there don't seem so big. Or maybe that they don't seem so dire.

As I search for a sense of purpose in life, I can't find the right perspective. I feel like I don't even have any. I had a plan (Go to grad school) now that that isn't happening I don't know where to go from here. I had applied to two schools and felt optimistic about either. When it did not happen, I am left with a void where my passion and perseverance once stood. The fighter in me knows I will never stop writing, but is it what I am meant to do? I don't know any more.

All I ever wanted for the last 5 years of my life was to write books and get them published and teach. And it was a dormant goal, one that was hibernating in me for a long time. I never knew I wanted to be a writer. I just loved to write. I never thought about making a profession out of it until about two years ago. I was having a heart to heart chat with some girlfriends over 5 (yes 5 don't judge) bottles of wine shared between all of us. After dispensing some romantic advice to her, my friend Katie looked at me and said "I cant wait for you to write books that I can buy someday." This was not the first time nor the last time I heard a friend make a comment like that to me. And it took many times over for me to believe that I might have something worth while to contribute to the world in print.

That night, the seed of hibernating passion came out from a restful winter. It is a passion I hold so strongly now. I know I must do it. Now, I just don't know how. I thought grad school was the path. Now, there is no clearly defined path. I don't feel compelled to keep trying to apply at lots of places. I did feel that way after the first time. Now, I feel as though perspective is my present goal. What does this mean for my path and my passion?

It's all a matter of perspective. I guess it feels like the end of the world to me but hey, I am still breathing, writing, and trying to make a meaningful life outta my one shot. It took my 18 stories up to see there are many roads to get to your destination. So I hit a dead end. Now I just have to turn around, take a look around, and see where the next road leads.